Beautiful Child, Rainbows are wonderful visions of hope in the sky.

I am so sorry for the pain and hurt you and your brothers are growing up in. Also for the pain your mum has to go through, with all the responsibility as the main parent and also carer of a very sick self-destructive husband.

You did do the best thing. Yes you love your dad that's why you rang the ambulance.
Yes you are very angry, because why does your dad have to hate himself so much. His actions are selfish, and sadly he cannot see or understand what embracing love is surrounding him by his family.

Your dad's self abuse, is from someone who doesn't believe he deserves to be loved. His self esteem is extremely low....and is dangerous to himself and his family.

He was angry when he came back from hospital, because he had lost his last sense of control... the ability to end or give himself a living life or living death. His family took that level of CONTROL away from him.

Also I believe, he was angry because of the SHAME AND HUMILIATION that others (ambulance, police and hospital staff) now see and know that he can be in an uncontrollable situation. Totally dependent on women. Especially if the attending other people were ALL MEN.

Men's biggest EGO trip is to LOOK LIKE THEY ARE IN CONTROL in front of other ADULT MEN.

Family Separation for your dad to go into rehab, and to address his personal ills, would be a SAFE OPTION for all of you. The mature thinking, from your mum is to consider as normal a growing up life that is possible for you, your brothers and herself.

I am sure, deep down, she doesn't want history repeating itself in any of her children or grandchildren.

Time out for all of you to be emotionally and physically safe is important. Getting community support and counselling for all of you too would be excellent. You all need to heal and be accepted as beautiful loving and lovable people.

Your brothers don't need to grow up thinking and believing that the role model of men and dads are to SELF ABUSE themselves, wife, mother and children....ONLY so that the women rescue them always.

You don't need to grow up believing that your relationship with men or a husband is to forever rescue them either. This habit of survival in your growing up life must stop as soon as possible, so you can all change and make a better life.

If mum is considering the best change for you all, then I pray that COURAGE and STRENGTH in your love with eachother helps you all get better. Including your dad.

Self Pain, Control of self choice or inflictions and self numbing denial (poisonous addictions), is the cycle your dad is in. He needs professional help to break his cycle.

And you all need to be SAFE and live SAFELY.

Keep us posted. We all want to keep supporting you. Group hugs