at the time you don’t really have any idea that it could (and should) be different, you just accept it all as the status quo, as normal, and sponge up the messages as being a reflection of who you are (unimportant, worthless, not mattering, not able to be loved and liked and wanted and seen as good etc etc).

So when it comes to trying to undo those messages there’s nothing concrete to fix on - no specific incident that is serious enough by itself to warrant getting emotional about it (as some of you have said, what’s the big deal in that? It just doesn’t seem enough to explain the way I am now.)

the real issue is why wasn’t I good enough for them to be nice and kind and caring and loving towards me?