((((((Far))))))

Is it that you think your T will change her mind about seeing you, or are you afraid something might happen to her? My fears are always about T getting hurt or worse--or something major happening that's out of my control. I've always trusted all of my Ts to be there when they say they will be.

Do you have OCD? Do you check other things too? It sounds like rationally you trust her, but emotionally you aren't sure. Has someone you counted on in RL been undependable?

I can understand your tenseness and compulsion to want to check on T. Maybe you can cut it down but not stop altogether? I forgot how often your sessions are, but I know they aren't weekly. If you email her about other things, won't that indicate that, yes, she is not going to abandon you?

Sorry for all the questions. I just thought something might fit.