((((((((((((((kiya))))))))))))))

I remember the feeling of a burden being gone the first time I shared part of my story. I expected to feel horrible afterwards, and like you, I really did feel lighter. Like I had given some of it to T to hold, and we were in it together, and I would never have to be alone with it again. Somehow the telling broke the spell of it. I was told so many times don't tell, don't tell, don't tell and it's almost like in keeping the secret, the abuse and trauma were continuing, because the abusers were still controlling me. When I told, it was the first step towards finally having a little bit of power.

I remember leaving a message for T and telling him how the world looked so different after I told, that the sky seemed bluer, that it made me feel so FREE to have told and have it be okay.

There actually did end up being a bit of a backlash for me..after the good feelings came the bad feelings. (I'm just telling you that in case it happens to you...T says that it's totally normal and expected). But the memory of those good feelings was still there, and that gave me the courage and the will to keep telling my story, and to finally, FINALLY purge all of that crap that had filled me up for so many years.

(((((((((((((kiya))))))))))))))))) I am SO SO SO proud of you.



for the littles: