I am so sick and tired of people telling me "It's all in your head" well....duh. It is all in my head and I want to get it out of there!! I have been doing ok on my depression well the feelings of "Nothing is good in this world, I'm never going to be (fill in the blank), my life is useless" all that is better. But what is'nt are my obessesive thoughts. I will sit and think "OMG I got a brain tumor" or the one that has been plauging me since I was 13 "OMG I might have AIDS" or one that has been around even longer "Holy crap the world is going to end in the year 2000 (well now it's the year 2012)"
People around me say things to me to prove the oppisite. For example, my husband has Crohn's disease. He is having a very bad flare right now. And since I have been talking to my friend, I have thoughts of aids running through my brain. I told my husband about them last night his response: "Baby you know every doctor I have been to in the past 6 years has ran a test for hiv/aids. Crohn's causes people to lose weight and have stomach pain. It's all in your head." Yes I know all of those things. I know what Crohn's does to people's weight. A woman I went to church with has Crohn's and she went from 150-odd lbs. down to 80 in a year and her hair is even coming out from the malnutrition. But the thought won't go away. And the end of the world thing, this is what happens to me: Harvest moon comes out and it's that eerie orangey red color and of course I think back to that awful holy roller church I went to a long time ago who preached the end more than they preached God's love.And one of the main things in the end is the blood red moon. I remember being abbut 8 and standing on our back deck looking up at the harvest moon and crying cause I was so afraid. So I have a very vivid and frightening imaginary vison of the end of days. I have had it since I was 5-6 years old. And that thought won't go away. Those two thoughts run in my head from the time I get up till I go to bed. It causes me such bad anxiety, that I can't eat sometimes. It keeps me up at night. I know this sounds bad, but the only thing that makes the thoughts go away is prescription pain pills I have'nt taken none in a while because I am afraid of addiction. But still there has to be a non addictive med or something that will help me deal with the bad thoughts. I hate thinking I got aids my husbands got aids or the sky is going to fall right down on the earth and there will be no more anything. Or I am going to pass out and never wake up because I have a rare inoperable brain tumor. This is embarrasing that a grown woman has this problem. I should know better.