I always feel like a fraud immediately after I've had a big episode and am feeling better as I now know that sometimes I feel I need to be on the brink of suicide to need help or attention from my psychiaotrist or psychologist. I'm getting more realistic though.

I would see your psych saying you're by no means an easy case as a plus. It's not judgemental, it means she's really looking into your symptoms and medications and history. If she were just blowing you off with glib statements (been there) you'd have more to worry about.

And as to a hospital stay, you have to make the choice, but I would go if I were you - do the maximum for yourself that you possibly can. If you're worried about boredom, take a pile of books and magazines, but you might find that they have activities to keep you occupied and you can talk to other patients and watch TV. I have had 4 pysch hospital stays and while not pleasant, have really helped me - every single one.