Hi Sugahorse,

Well, finally decided I needed to speak to pdoc Good for you! as I felt my meds weren't really working. Basically my depression was just getting too much. I was too numb to cry, but couldn't work, and was very snappy and irritable. I was continuously consumed with anxiety, had no appetite and just felt bad. She went through my file and when I phoned her back, she said I was by no means an easy case. Gee - how's that supposed to make me feel? She might not have much experience with treating bipolars. How long is she practising? Is it possible to find someone who has sort of specialised in mood disorders? When I got back to my homecountry Netherlands, I entered te regular system. The first support I got was good and helpful. Then I had to change pdocs as mine was moving on. I decided to leave and go for a private practise pdoc. I found one who's specialised in mood disorders and boy, does it make a difference! It was hard to handle the change, but I am SO glad I did!!

May it's just that our country is a little behind with regards to medication and their knowledge of dealing with BP?!?
Could be, of course. But try to find a pdoc thru internet and find out what they specialize on. The first one I called 'did in psychoses' and referred me to the one I now have.

I'm going to see her in 4.5 hours. She discussed the option of booking me off work for a few days (Don't know if I can do this, as I'll be my own worst enemy being bored at home) or sending me to hospital for a few days.
If you feel that would work, it's a good option. To be focused on getting your meds sorted out without having to worry about anything else might be a great help.

Now today I feel a bit better than yesterday (Which was rock bottom) and I feel like a fraud going to see her, when yesterday I complained how I bad I was and today I'm OK, coping.
Like everyone else, we can relate to that. It often is the result of the action you have taken, the relieve of having done something that will change the situation you are in. In short: you received hope. And that will always make you feel better. But that NEVER means that what you are going thru is tough and hard to handle. I guess you are a person who will only call for help when you are nearly 'dead' if you know what I mean? And then if we think we are not 'dead' enough, we feel quilty for asking for help and attention. It is a lie. You are worth her help and attention. You have a serious illness to deal with. You need all the help you can get, and that is okay!!!

Let us know how it went!!

Take care of yourself!