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Yes, I do sometimes feel like a fraud. I hide who I really am from people because I feel like they wouldn't understand or because I don't want to trouble them with my problems or because I don't want them judging me or trying to fix me or telling me I'll be fine and I don't need meds I just need to get myself "under control". I feel like a fraud when I lie and make up excuses for why I don't go to work (when i'm depressed), I lie and tell everyone that i'm fine when I haven't been fine in a long time. I've lied to myself, trying to believe that i'm just a little "moody" like my family has been saying I am for the last 20 years. I lie when I'm manic...make up reasons for why i'm so hyper and can't sleep and cleaning for hours and sometimes just because it sounds like something I should be saying. So yes, I do feel like a fraud. A big, whopping fraud.
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Sadly enough, this is the reality, whether we like it or not. I remember doing these things, too. I don't do them so much any more cuz i'm in that "Purple dress, red hat" age group now and I don't give a bugs ash what anyone thinks if they believe I have an illness or not. I have been told to my face by so many people, including my step-daughter who belongs to a cult which believes in eternal physical life (!?!?!?!?!?) that I am faking illness for drama and attention, that it's all made up. SHE TELLING ME THAT MY ILLNESS IS MADE-UP? Now, that's a laugh. So, I basically keep to myself and live my life and do what the doctors tell me to do and try to laugh a little every day and enjoy what time I have left in this world. Pretty much on a day to day basis, I believe in what I know is true and trust less and less in what others think of me.
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
