Deep, hard questions... bare with me as a ramble...
How bad is pain? What makes pain good or bad? What makes anything good or bad? They say SI is wrong, but why? Is pain really that bad? I guess for myself, I don't know. I can cut myself with a sick smile on my face, and yet if I'm not expecting pain of even a lesser degree (non SI, like stubbing my toe) I'd wince. I too experience that feeling of being "powerful" and in control when I cut. Yes, there is something about cutting open your skin that does something to me- but why?
Pain is a part of life, I don't always ENJOY the pain I inflict upon myself, but I feel like I deserve to bare it.
I guess the more I think about it, the more I don't understand about why I SI. I'm not doing it as thrill seeking or to get attention... there are so many reasons and so many causes I just don't understand.
Sorry, I'm muddled. Is pain really that bad? I tell myself "You have no idea what real pain is. You have no idea what it means to hurt." Part of me is afriad to hurt, part of me wants to hurt until I can hurt no more.
Pain is a complex thing, just like the human person. I'm gonna shut up now because nothing in this reply makes sense. Thanks for the post, though, Paintingravens.