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Originally Posted by SpottedOwl
I found myself spending a lot of time thinking about my parents when I delved into spirituality as well. I think we are all connected, and understanding our ancestry is one way to learn who we are. If we can look at the formative bonds with our parents, we can see how we were taught to connect with the world.
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It seemed like the feelings I have about God (or whoever that would be) or the connectedness to the infinite, the natural world, inner peace, "heave" or anything of that sort is related to how I experienced my mother early on and my father early on. Does that mean its all a bunch of hooey in my imagination and Im just searching for a home? And if it is not hooey, then how can I connect in the way I want to if I am so damaged that I cant relate to God unless I fit Her (LOL!Him?) in and around that damage? Its all jusst formations in my mind. I have that peace actually within me and the ability to connect within me, I can feel that when I meditate and am in yoga class. But what does that have to do with God? If its in me, it doesnt have anything to do with God. I dont know...now Im rambling....
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If you are having a difficult time with the 'male' God,
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You cant imagine how this is for me. It is impossible. I cant do a male God. I just cant. And I cant do a male therapist. I want to, but I just cannot. I so badly want to heal that part of me, but I dont know how. I want to and I feel so horribly stuck. There is no way I could see a male God creating me, believing I am worthy, all that.
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I would suggest connecting with Mother Earth. Feel the feminine energy of life-giving, of comfort, and nourishment. Imagine you are a little seed, and the earth is surrounding you and holding you and keeping you safe until the 'right' time to sprout.
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Oh, Spotted. You are SO wonderful. This SO works for me. I have done this before and I find that connecting with the universe and nature as it is, as it is part of me and I am part of it, made of the universe, feeling interconnected that way. It is feminine or just neither female or male. It just IS. Then I feel wanted.
I talked about with T that I dont feel this way about my husband, I believe he cares about me, though I DO have an issue believing he truly cares. And I dont feel this way about my sons, I know they adore me and I adore them. And I have some male friends. So, what is that about? T said I just dont see gender with them, I see them as people. But why? (I can understand my sons, of course). And I definitely DO see my H as male. I am confused and dont understand myself in this regard.
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I personally find it is a balance. I view the feminine part of God as being the earth, and the masculine part of God as being the sun. We need both the earth and the sun to grow. But without some strong roots, any little seedling will be burned by the sun. And without enough sun, it will be hard to grow.
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I have to think about this. It is very peaceful and soothing. It makes me think of something buddhist that I finally understood after reading a wonderful book. That our bodies are elements of air, water, fire and air. I never understood this. But it is very much like like what you wrote about. And that is the connection to the universe. The way we pulsate like the universe around us. This is not triggering for me. It is soothing and makes me feel good.
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There is no 'right or wrong', there is only what you need *right now* to help you find that balance.
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Wow. Thank you for saying this. It is just what I need right now.
Thank you, Spotted. I hope so. It does feel like I will always have this broken part of me. I cannot imagine being healed from this. I feel like Iwas born broken, but that isnt possible, I guess.