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Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge
Dear Blue (and Tree), I said the same things to my T. that I have an awful feeling the reason i won't hurt so much in future is not because of healing but because of scar tissue, in which there are no nerve endings. that some day I will be a jigsaw puzzle held together by scar tissue.
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I understand what you mean by this. That the scar tissue is just from so many years of living damaged. You can get around it at this point, but it isnt the way it is supposed to be.
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T assures me it's not so. She gave me a little bit of her own history one day, and in spite of it I can see the healthy "tissue" in her, not scars. She's told me a little here and there about other clients' healing too. And look at this... Blue Moon started on PC swayed by every piece of advice given her - I say this with great affection, Blue, because today you are so much stronger than that!! And Treehouse's story of healing is a joy to behold.
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It is wonderful that T gave you so much of herself. I think that disclosing by T can be so incredibly healing. It can open the door. Ftt does self-disclose, but nothing as personal as that. I dont want to "look" healed and have a healed-looking story. Do you know what I mean? I want to be free. I want to have an inner life of peace and not be triggered or have any part of my life or day directed by triggers and damage.
Was I really so swayed??? Oh, jeez....I know I have grown so much in the last year (almost) that I have been here. And I am in awe of the healing we are all witnessing in Tree. Her struggles and the battles she has so BRAVELY won. And they are battles. Sometimes I feel like what is the use of battling like this? Will I ever heal this core damage? I dont even know how to approach it. Or exactly what the problem is. I think I have scratched the surface with T, but how can I move further if I am so not sure. Maybe its just stuff I was too young to remember. I have a feeling that this a big part of it.
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Blue's questions (can i really just keep layering on "I am deserving" and some day change what is so deep within)... hard questions, big questions. T says sometimes the journey is long. But Tree is right; there will come an end, a good ending. 
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How do you know? Im sorry, I have to ask
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Still it's hard to remember to counter this by remembering to tell myself this, to do this, to try not to do that, to combat this, watch out for that... I feel like John Wayne's little bunch trying to hold out against a big Indian attack, they just keep coming from every direction. ...
well.... let 'em come on then.
I'll watch your back, if you'll watch mine. 
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Oh, SAWE
I know you are struggling the same way
I will watch for attacks and be your John Wayne if you be mine
