Googley I so relate to what you are describing, and especially about being scared of people in positions of authority. (Ha ha for me that means everyone!)

I was trying to explain this to my ex-T and had a sudden realization that I view everyone as having some kind of parental authority over me. That they all have the power to do whatever they want, to treat me in whatever way they want, and that the only way I could be safe and feel a little bit of trust around people was if I acted like a ‘good little girl’ (and even then it doesn’t always work because of course I am needing them to care about how I feel and that’s not really part of the adult deal.)

He was trying to tell me that I was giving them this authority over me and though intellectually I knew what he meant I got pretty angry at him because it felt like he was blaming ME for people having this kind of power over me - I kept asking him how I could stop giving them this power then when they all had it in the first place - especially people in real positions of power and authority like bosses and the like. He finally came up with a comment that stuck in my head - they don’t DESERVE to be given parental authority over me. They aren’t better than me and they don’t have the right to treat me like a misbehaving or bad child.

It’s worth looking at how you view your professors Googley, maybe it’s not so much a question of trust generally as that because they have real power over you in terms of your being a student maybe you are experiencing them as uncaring and power-abusing parental figures?

Just a thought

Torn