oh......Kai Kai.......i have never met you in real life.....but strangely....you mean so much to me already.I struggle in many of the same ways that you do.I know you think that since my circumstances are different.....I couldn't possibly understand how you feel.....I do....I have been in your exact circumstances....and in my head....I continue to feel that turmoil.I can say that from where I sit....I believe with all my heart and soul....you are valuable ....TO ME.....and I believe things will improve...you help my spirit and I know you have helped others in their times of need.A man is not what he owns....but his heart.The things you feel you have done in life that you regret were not within your control...and Kai I guarantee you I have done things in my life I wish I could erase.I cannot.I must look at each new day as if it were the ONLY day in history....and live it as best I am able on that day.because I cannot relive any of my yesterdays.I am sure that you realize that there has never been a perfect human.not one.we fail...pick ourselves up ...dust ourselves off...and go forward.We have awful periods of time and then things improve...and Kai,....things will indeed improve.I have been in some hellish situations.I do not tell you of them because you are on shaky ground ....so,I try to be uplifting....but darling young man......I for one believe you are a loving soul...traveling through some very difficult points in life....and I say...take each day as a new piece of clay and mold it into ....a smile that may impact someone...or hold a door open for an old lady or pet a lonely dog.....anything...everything ....take loving care of you so you have a reserve to pull a kindness from.This is what makes a human valuable.The kindness he is brave enough to share.You are kind.no less good than me or ANYONE ELSE.(((((((((((((((((((((DARLING KAI KAI)))))))))))))))))