I also have that condition of seeing black and white; it is or it isn't.
When something happens that I don't like or isn't good for me, I quickly brush it off, thinking that I just need to shake it off and move forward. But while I don't think it is healthy for me to dwell on stuff, I think I need to take more time and think about what has happened or why I did whatever I did. Sometimes, I go into mourning for what could have been or what I think should have been. I'll stage pity parties and think why did this have to happen to me; what did I do so wrong? But I keep going back to the thinking that God has a reason for all this and that is what keeps me going. I try to help others in their time of need, I'm a big advocate of if one has a full belly, then one can face the world on better terms, I think I have a novel waiting to be written, I think there are some more animals that need a home, and so I feel like I'm not done yet. My life is going on, maybe not the straight and narrow road like others can do, but I just need to slow down when I get to the hairpin curves.
You sound like you are doing some soul searching and as with any grieving process, it has to be worked through. Good luck on your journey and keep posting.