Thanks everyone.

I just need to write out what's in my head - same old same

It's Sunday night here and they always seem to be the evening I get a little depressed.. maybe because I have finally wound down from the working week and gearing up for the next one.. not sure.

I'm strugglng today with what I feel for Mark...I love him and are sick of waiting... but really can you put a time limit on when/if feelings change? Have I cut of my nose despite my face by givng him til the end of May? I had to set some time frame for my sanity (which feels non existant tonight).... but come midnight on the 31st then what.. I text him and say "well which way is this going to go?".. that doesn't make much sense.

At work he seems happy enough with her (so I am told)... so maybe him still living with her is a sign in it's self.. he has chosen but hasn't got the guts to tell me.
He tells me that he will let me know when he has sorted out his feelings. I trust him enough to do that for me, especially seeing I had previously given him so much of myself that it is a small thing to ask in return. I believe him when he tells me he is still confused - emotionally distant is how he is/was most of the time. But to continue living 'happily' (on the face of it) seems to spell out a different answer.
He knows that I am in a sort of limbo - so I hope that he can be decent enough to tell me when he is ready.
It shouldn't be a hard question... it's not me or her.. it's simply 'does he love her and want to spend his life with her'... Love should NOT be questioned or die after 5 months of a relationship... it's still the honeymoon stage IMO... the first 3 years are bliss. then things start to settle down into a natural rythym.

If he stays with her I have to withdraw my friendship to protect myself from any future "miss you, miss us" comments.... And to be honest I REALLY don't want to have to do that and I don't even know if I can.
It makes me cry just to think of never speaking with him again in my life time..

End of the babble now..

On a weird note... my new guy has just told me he loves me... We have only been seeing each other for a few weeks.. is that REALLY possible? Freaky.
He knows about the Mark situation so I'm not givng him any false ideas of a realtionship or a future.