Hi jenkins!

I have to ask you, do you think that what you are actually doing is punishing yourself for doing something good and successful? Could you be feeling not worthy of things going right in your life so you sabatoge those things to give you a feeling that you deserved to fail?

If the answer to the above is "yes", I strongly suggest working on those thoughts/feelings with a T. Being abused certainly creates within us, feelings of worthlessness and being nothing. These feelings of course are NOT true of who we really are, but they are very difficult to turn around and let go of.

I hope you find a way to work through this very soon!

With care,
sabby