I think he shut down because he perceived your words as being critical of him, of blaming him. Some men are very sensitive to being criticized by others, especially by women (for better or for worse). I think you need to work extra hard on how you word these things, and be SUPER sensitive about not coming across as criticizing or as blaming. Sure, it would be nice not to have to do this, and to be able to have a frank and direct discussion, but it will go better if you take major pains to not tromp on his ego and make him feel like it is his fault. It can help by saying your goal, that you really want to be closer, etc. And then say something about yourself and how you sometimes say the wrong thing, or screw up in the relationship--it lets him know that you know you are not perfect and that you need to work on things, so he knows you are not putting the full responsibility on him. Even if this seems obvious to you that you feel this way, you really need to say it repeatedly to him, or else he feels blamed and criticized, and he will shut down if he feels that way. Certainly not all men are like this, but some are, and things will go more smoothly in the relationship if you acknowledge this and figure out ways to express your concerns without his feeling blamed or criticized. I know it may seem like pandering, and that can feel yucky, but it is what it is for right now, until you two can work out communication between you.

Having this sort of delicate conversation is best done face to face. It is a recipe for disaster to do this over MSN chat. Since you are living apart at this time, at least discuss these important matters over the phone.

Here is a book on communication that I recommend you read, and if you like it, you can share it with your partner:
"Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life," by Marshall Rosenberg
Even if only one person learns the skills in this book, it can really help communication.

I think you're wrong there. Relationships are a two way street. If you're being sarcastic, I didn't find it funny. Of course women play a role and have responsibility in relationships. Duh.