Belle sweety,

Some points to think about:

-Maybe look at your life script. I sense there is an 'until...' going on
-Maybe examine whether you are afraid of committing.
-And whether your need to control leads to not letting go and accepting that things are the way they are
-Try to imagine where you want to be in 12 years time. Then think what you need to do achieve this. Then do it.

I hug you as always my sweet xxx