Gr3tta,

I read your post and I might as well have written it myself. What you described is exactly what was going though my heart and soul today. And I was trying to convince myself I simply need to grieve more, but gosh, it really sucks to look back over all that was lost over so many years, over all that can never be, simply because someone took my young life in their hands and brutally abused it, leaving me so damaged, so afraid of the world.

Today, more than anything else, I'm lonely, because I dealt with the abuse by finding so many places to hide from people and from life. So many superficial relationships, but few people are really allowed close emotionally, and no one is allowed close physically. I've said before that the cruelest thing done to me by the abusers was leaving me in so desperate a need for a hug, but so afraid to accept it.

I want to overcome this.

be well,

mtd