from the age of around 6(the first memory i have of this) to 14 i remeber engaging in sexual activities with my older brother..i felt gross and disgusting for doing it but sometime i sought out the abuse...my other siblings remember being forced to do stuff at his hands but i cannot...i think i liked it but why? why did i seek it out? i hate myself for this..my obssesive thoughts tstarted after this all stopped...