I appreciate the different points of view you all have offered. I have all of those points of view and some others, too. It is confusing to me and so difficult to sort out what is baggage from my past and what is valid today in this situation. It's complicated even more by the flooding that this has triggered, and the dissociation that follows. My head is foggy and my thoughts unfocused.

I have a session w/my T tomorrow morning and I will of course talk about this with her then and hope she can help me figure out what to do next.

I will just add that my older kids told me recently that my 8 year old has been sleeping in the bed with her father. I talked to my T about that, as well, and talked to my daughter about it but it's so hard to know what's actually going on behind closed doors. I don't think he would abuse her, but I also don't trust myself to be a good judge of these things. I didn't think he would abuse ME either, and he did. I just don't know.

I do know that all my life I have been hurt when I thought I was safe, and I cannot sort out safe from unsafe at all anymore. And more importantly, I have to keep reminding myself, this isn't about ME. It's about my daughter, not about me. I have to keep sorting that out in my head and my heart, over and over.