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May 17, 2010, 01:41 AM
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today I was thinking about how on my road trip to Atlanta months ago I admitted about how my music teacher told me I had to relax while playing because my hands were so tense while playing that if I continued like that I'd end up with tendinitis down my entire arm. I was like that because I was so afraid of messing up and hitting the wrong key because I'm a perfectionist when it comes to those things. And my step-dad was very persistent on knowing who taught me making a mistake was bad and I kept telling him that no one did and I taught myself that. and he was very persistent in that you don't just teach yourself something like that.
and then thinking about this stuff recently I was also reminded about how negatively I've always viewed sex/nudity. I mean, it was never something talked about either positively or negatively (to my knowledge anyways) until I was hitting puberty and it was time for those discussions about what's happening to your body and stuff. Which is really something that I never really liked talking about, especially back then... even for stuff like my period. I was freaking out when I started developing my own sexuality in my teens. It was especially icky having to learn sex ed in heath the exact same time we were learning about the human reproductive system in biology... and I had those classes back to back. (I pulled through fine, it's not too pleasant for at least a moth having 90 minutes worth of wanting to put your head on your desk and just wishing they'd talk faster and get it over with already). The worst though was the teenage boy (and girl) talk about sex (on the bus) thankfully for the last couple years most of my time/energy was spent watching over a problem kid so instead we had fun playing pokemon games and stuff and it was no longer in earshot (hyperactive kids drown them right out  ).
I always thought these were just things you didn't need to be taught but really... according to other people it's not :/ why can't you just feel the way you feel, and if people want to talk to you about something and you don't feel neutral about it then you had to have learned somewhere that it's good or bad?
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