I get frustrated by this emotional baggage. Sometimes, I feel that I've come such a long way, that I deserve to able to freely hug a person or allow myself to be close to people. And it just doesn't happen like that for me. Do I learn to accept myself as I am or do I continue to yearn for "greener grass"? Will I always feel the loss of a family and can it be replaced? In my saner moments, I thank God for my two sons but there are problems. I don't give up but I'm not sure my youngest will ever accept me as I am. And then there are the days I retreat into my world, don't leave the farm, just read, read, read, write, write, write and pull myself back together again. Am I failing? Most days I don't think so. I do think that some of the most courageous people I know and don't know, are people who deal with mental illness whether it be theirs or someone they care about. I wish I had answers for you and me but I am beginning to believe that it is a lifelong work in progress, and I have to keep trudging or skipping through depending on what kind of day it is! May you have more good days than bad. Keep the faith.