Hi Belle, hope you are having a good day over there. I just thought I would share a couple of observations for what they are worth.

Mark is not the only one who thought/thinks that. I thought that was your ultimate goal too.

I think it is fair to say that we all want that for people we care about.... including ourselves. lol. But what is up with the timeline if that is really your only interest? Why is you life on hold if your only interest in Mark is as a friend who cares about his happiness? I can't imagine anyone putting their life on hold or giving me a timeline to get me head on straight. That is hardly something I would expect any friend to ask of me or ever expect that I could deliver on.

Maybe I am misunderstanding you but what truth are you asking him to face? I thought it was all about getting him to admit that he doesn't really love Lisa? That he really still loves you? That he made a mistake breaking up with you? That he wants to get back together? What other truth could you be looking for? Is it simply as a friend you want him to be honest with himself about how messed up he is? Did he ask you to be his friend and help him get his head on straight?

Wow Belle. Would you impose that same criteria on any other friendship? Do you set bars for your other friends to meet to prove their friendship to you? Do you see what I am getting at? Is it really about friendship or is it not as Mark and I pressume from you actions that you want more than friendship in the end? Just asking.

This part I get but again only from the context of you feeling as though there was a chance of getting back together again; Not merely to evolve your relationship into some new friendship. Is that really all you want from Mark Belle?

My ex maintained contact and friendships of sorts with his ex's before me and we definately have evolved our relationship into a close friendship. When we were together he would tell me about his phone chat with his ex-wife. Though I never met her I knew all about her because he would talk about their converstations. I can't image he would ever say to her "I miss you... I miss us" He had moved on and so had she. They talked about their work and their families and those kinds of things that connected them because they had been together for 12 years. He had contact with her brothers and I even met a couple of them and socialized with them. Those kinds of relationships carried forward into his new life with me. His ex never wanted to meet me mostly because I had the son she so desperately wanted to give him but couldn't so it was painful for her. He also had a daughter with another woman before me but after his marriage. We used to spend holidays together so that our kids would bond. Her and I still connect even though our kids are grown and maintaining their own contact with each other now. The only contact my ex has with this woman is around the daughter. Otherwise they never really developed a lasting friendship. Not like he has with his first wife.

When he and I broke up I was concerned for his happiness. I knew he was the kind of guy that was better with a woman in his life. I told him, and I honestly thought this even through my own heart break that our relationship didn't work.... I told him he should go back to his first wife. They had shared a lot of years together and if she had been able to have children perhaps they would still be together. They had a lot in common. The family still loved her. He obviously still cared for her since they were still friends and it just made sense to me. He laughed at the idea. He said the marriage didn't work for a lot of other reasons and besides that... he never goes back. Even if he thought it was a mistake to leave her... which he didn't.... even if he missed the life they had.... which he did... geesh he used to always talk about their active social life when complaining about how anti-social I was... but still he wasn't the type to regret or go back.

The friendship my ex developed with his ex didn't happen right away. I think it was a couple of years before they really reconnected as friends. She was very hurt by the breakup. They had tired to get back together but it didn't work out a second time so it took her a long time to get over it all and open herself up to being friends. Being the kind of guy he is he didn't stop calling and checking up on her so the friendship grew.

She finally did meet our son when they were visiting in her area on a hunting trip. She even had them over for dinner and went with them to dinner with my ex's brother. She never did want to meet me and I guess that is why I always thought she must still love him and want him back if somehow that could happen. The second woman had no interest in getting back with my ex and I think that is why we became friends while the first wife had no interest in a friendship with me. She still wanted him.

The first and second never became friends either. I image that is more because he was still with the first when he hooked up and got the second pregnant. That was the killer of the marriage. They tried a second time when he assured her it was a mistake and he still wanted the marriage but it lasted only a few months.

There was another woman between the second and me but it didn't last very long either. He even moved away to get away from her. I remember when we started dating she would always call and invite herself to visit him. It took her a long time to finally let go.

By now you might guess that my ex had a bit of a womanizer streak to him. lol. Like I said... he doesn't do well without a woman by his side. But that is his issue. Not mine. Coming out of our relationship I worried for him and tried to manage his life by suggesting he go back to his first wife but soon had to let go and let him make his own choices. We are friends now and I can joke with him about his dates or lack there of...... he is getting pretty old now.... lol. I couldn't have done that when I was holding on to hope that he was coming back to me but now that I am resigned to the fact that we will never go back... as his friend I can.

Is it really friendship you want Belle or is it something more? Are you really seeing this end of month deadline for what it is or are you fooling yourself about it. Just wonder who is misunderstanding what about your current situation.

Letting go is so very hard to do. It took me 5 plus years to give up the hope. Heartbreak is not something you can get over quickly. Owning the truth is a daily process in the beginning.

When I first met up with you here I was still holding onto hope. Somehow in the process of standing with you these past few months I have finally let it go completely. The last thread has finally been cut. I am 100% just a friend to my ex now. I couldn't have said that a few months ago. I faked it with him to keep a friendship going but now I am not faking. I am okay to just be his friend. His sister's still introduce me as their sister-in-law but it doesn't cause me to hope it to be true anymore. It is just how they relate to me after 18 years.

Long story but hope there is something in there that you can relate to and consider in context with your own situation. My heart aches for your suffering Belle. I so wish I could fast forward time for you or at least fast forward the process.

Maybe Mark will come to know his own mind before the end of the month. So long as you don't require him to meet your expectations you can't be hurt further by his choices. I fear that is not the case thought. I fear your own sense of happiness is dependant on his choices. That is a tough place to put yourself.

Either way.... here for you through it all Belle. May all your dreams come true. Blessings.