((((Typo)))) Your post really helped me You are soooo awesome!!!!

"sometimes I get incredibly uncomfterable in my own skin, I feel akward, guitly, dirty, shameful, like I"m just a pile of slime.

I get these feelings of "I'm a bad daughter, sister, friend, lover" "I'm less of a woman because I was abused" or "I let my parents down because I was abused"

I know none of those are rational thoughts, there is no truth to any of those statements, but they are still ingrained in me, and sometimes I feel they are true, I know it's just one more storm to weather in my recovery, and I'm sitting through the emotions, allowing them to come, not fighting them. "

I like how you can reason that these thoughts are not true, but the feelings are definitely intense and make the thoughts almost feel true. I can relate to this.

"It's always the littlest things isn't it?"

You are sooooo right about this. It seems that the little things make me start into a spin downward. But by acknowledging the difference between your feelings and thoughts is very grounding for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.

"I also feel akward discussing the shame and guilt I have over my sexuality. It's like part of me is torn between, I have the right to enjoy this , and the other part of me is arguing that it was used to harm me as a child, so why should I enjoy it."

I've been trying to explain this part of myself to my T and haven't really found the words. Thank you sooooo much for sharing this post. This stuff is really hard to talk about and hard to put words to. It's like an intense battle inside my head and my heart.
Thanks for sharing!!!!