(((Stacy3601)))

My SA memories begin at age 5 as well. Several people have kind of "blown off" the whole thing with my brother. Said that it's normal for children to play like that. We were simply exploring our bodies. Blah, blah, blah. Not real validating!

When I came outright with the entire memory, rather than moderating it, is when I found some relief. Giving a bj at age 5 is not normal. My brother was 8. He knew better. I was afraid of him, plain and simple. Where my brother learned the idea, I have no idea. I haven't even gone down that track. Point is, what happened was wrong.

The emotions I've carried towards myself and towards the SA make sense. It makes sense that I have lots of self-blame. And my feelings are okay. I have to work through these memories and emotions to understand myself better. They have to be accepted by others (those important to me in my life now, especially ME) in order for me to truly work through them. {I don't know if that applies to all SA surviviors. I assume that it does though.}

Hope that helps you.