************ Hugs ************* to all of you who wonder, what could have been or what if???

You are certainly not alone in your wondering. I think there are many people in this world who have thought that at one time or another. Whether we suffer from a mental illness or just had lives that were far from perfect and little opportunity when we were younger.

For myself, I wanted to be a surgical nurse/trauma nurse. In my younger days I think I would have been a really good nurse. Now, I'm too old and physically unable to do the job. I, too, wonder what could have been had I made different decisions or been open to different opportunities. And yes, even what could have been had I not been abused and depressed.

I try hard now, not to go there as much as I used to. I guess I realized that thinking in those terms was more detrimental to my healing and living my life in the present and for the future. What I ended up doing was finding a way to use my abilities as close to the medical field as I could get without years of college. I became a home provider for an individual with developmental and physical disabilities. It is an extremely rewarding job, just like being a nurse would have been for me.

This didn't happen overnight for me. It was a long time coming as I worked through the healing process. And actually, doing this job is part of my healing process as well. So you could say that I'm still healing, I'm still learning and I'm still a work in progress. While life is never perfect and we always have difficulties to work through, I am very grateful for where I am and what I am doing with my life now.

Granted, had I not been abused or depressed during my life, I would have ended up being a different person altogether. I can honestly say that as horrible as those experiences were for me, they have helped to shape me into who I am today. I believe I am a valuable human being with a lot to offer. I believe I am human and make mistakes and learn from them. I believe I am exactly who I'm supposed to be right here and right now, and that is truly a good thing!

My hopes for all of you are that you, too, can find a way to become what you've always wanted to become or at least a reasonable facsimile of that person. Something you can find some gratification in doing. Through our lives, many things change. Our attitudes about life, our perceptions of ourselves, and our opportunities. May you all find your opportunities and walk through those doors

Much love & respect
sabby