I thought my sui fantasies would never go away, but eventually with proper meds and with time, they have gone away. (Well, except when I cycle down far enough to actually consider it again, but that is rare now)
Welcome to PC, everyone has been very supportive and kind here.
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From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too."