time0,

I was where you were at about 11 1/2 years ago. I went all my life without needing any outside help with my feelings.....then wham. I remember going into the pdoc & psychologist's offices just shaking with a total lump in my throat & knot in my stomach. They would ask questions & I just didn't know how to answer.....always being such a private person......never letting out anything....& didn't trust anyone with my innermost feelings.

I have since learned how to open up some.....however still not enough to probably get the most out of their treatments. My pdoc really does know me pretty well & has gone through so many of my horrible reactions to meds that he is willing to listen to me & not force meds that won't work.....actually he is afraid to give me anything....along with my GP since my reactions to meds are so horrible.

I hope you can find some good free therapy...I know it is available. I know that the hospice care I had for my Mother 5 days before she died has free grief counselling....however my issues surrounding my Mothers death were under the PTSD heading & they had no clue on how to help me work through what I am now trying to deal with. I had to bite the bullet & pay 50% in order to get a psychologist who was willing to deal with the trauma issues that I am going through.

I hope that posting here will help you open up some & help you understand more about what you are feeling.....sometimes doing an internal search or realizing how you are feeling about some other post can bring you into touch with yourself.

Please take care & hope you can really find the appropriate professionals to help you.

Debbie