Ozzie,

I definitely agree with your post......of course, there is always the "however" with me.

I remember the angry feelings that I have had throughout my life & looking back I can feel the feelings however I never took the time to "UNDERSTAND" myself....or why I was feeling that way. It was easier to just let myself feel that way & because I was horrible at holding onto my anger, it would be gone & forgotten within a couple of days.....only remembering the feeling & not the cause/trigger.

Still to this day, I have such short term memory that I feel my anger then because it passes, I can't pinpoint the cause. I have been learning to write down when I feel the feelings & then take some time to try & figure out what the cause is....however now it seems like there is so much involved in the cause I get overwhelmed in my thought process & just want to let it all go.

Unfortunately, the angry feelings seem to come one on top of the other leaving less time between the feelings. I guess also because I don't relate the cause to the effect, I have found that I put the happy things into my thoughts so anger doesn't consume me.

I guess there is some good point to short term memory that flys away so quickly. I just remember the horrible angry feelings but not the causes. I find I tend to deal with anxiety & depression the same way.....I get the feelings but can't put a finger on the causes. It seems to take so much inner looking to figure out myself & I seem to be too lazy to want to spend my time on it. I know I would probably be much better off if I understood myself better instead of just plowing through my life letting things happen & then going on. I am sure that there is a place inside of me that is accumulating all my crap.....& it will probably burst sometime (like it did in the past).

I just wish at time I would spend self time trying to "UNDERSTOOD" myself.....but don't want to dwell on the bad either because I feel so much better when I am not feeling angry or spending time trying to self analyze myself.

I am not much help to myself.....even with my therapist trying to "pull" out what is going on in my brain......kinda like pulling taffey.....it just keeps coming & coming with no end in sight.....so I just cut it off & end it when I feel too tired to think anymore.

Sometimes it is alot easier to understand others than it is myself.....& yes, even though I give the responses of trying not to dwell on your anger....it is definitely ok to feel that way & it is understandable to feel that way......but it isn't ok to let it totally control your life.....everyone needs some relief & only they can know what will provide they with the relief.

Debbie