Oh hun.... its okay. You had a moment. Don't give it any more weight than that. I know it is hard..... So very hard to find a perspective right now. You lashed out. You are human. He will get over it. He broke your trust and you gave him a second chance to show you a little bit of kindness and still he kicked it back at you. Don't give him so much credit. The situation brought out the worst in you for a few hours. What is done is done. You can't take it back and it is what it is. One of those regretable moments in time. Nothing more. You can't take it back so push it away. Keep pushing the regret away.

I blew 1200 at the casino in Vegas last week. I have no job. No new contracts on the horizon. I have been subsidizing my ex's support with credit cards and now I am running out of credit. I am already up to my eyeballs in debt and I can't believe I put my son's security at risk. I am one step from having my house forclosed on and I gambled away next months mortgage payment and then some. I can't afford to put gas in my truck and I don't know where I am going to get the money to even keep my phone plugged in. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror without crying. I know that kind of self loathing that you feel for doing something you later regret. Something so out of character and so humilating. Hope and desperation can be powerful drivers.

You have to let it go and start anew. What other choice is there? Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Yesterday is gone. It is one short chapter in a long story. You are still Belle. The sweet loveable, trustworthy, honourable and precious Belle you were before you let a moment get the better of you. We all make mistakes. Some of us have a really hard time living with mistakes. I am with you there. We can magnify mistakes a hundred fold and beat ourselves up forever about them. Or we can accept that we aren't perfect and we make whooper mistakes sometimes. It is what it is Belle. Try living with BiPolar and these kinds of regretable moments defining your everyday. It could be soooo much worse Belle. It really could.

There is nothing you can do to turn back time. It was not nearly as bad as you imagine. He will recover and besides he deserved it. He owed you so much better. Many would say you were pretty soft on him actually so find a perspective you can live with and get on with the rest of your life.

You will be okay. Give it some time and give yourself a break.