Wow this week has been pretty triggery. I'd had massage on friday, then yesterday (monday) this *terrible* pain dominated my shoulder and neck to where i could not move my head in any direction... so I went to group therapy, ha ha. They commended me for being there - my eyes were watering with the pain. But i was committed to being there, no matter what, right?
We had to identify a *place* in our lives where we are stuck... A? as in one? @_@ after years of CSA? *sigh*. I tried to explain that at each new happening, another age of me got frozen in that time. T says, "So think on it and pick one and we'll work on those". Can I skip tomorrow??
I just don't know how to "show up each day and be present with what comes up" (as my own t said) to share just one part of myself who "was stuck or frozen or didn't get to finish something". I've not told the group i am DID, I think they'd freak if I told them I have multiple personalities. ANd which alter would the t like to work with? which do i start with? alters at the top (who are really alters created by the original alters)? Or the first few - who could then really go into a backlash (which is why T and I have not processed trauma; she's scared they'll hurt us). Maybe I will call T tonight and talk with her about it - what she thinks. And then maybe she can talk with the group T. Not everyone will process tomorrow, certainly. 9 people in 90 min. So, I can wait it out. In fact, maybe I won't call t - just not volunteer tomorrow in group and talk with t in my apnt. 2 hours later. Yeah - way to plan group! Ok, meeting ajourned.