View Single Post
 
Old May 19, 2010, 08:47 AM
shoez's Avatar
shoez shoez is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2010
Location: Searching for compassion
Posts: 392
I have had this problem for a long time I assume. Only, I have only noticed it as a problem until recently.

Making decisions- That includes, when buying things, agreeing, disagreeing, career choices. Things of these sorts.

Example:

Maybe for a month and a half I will decide I want to be a physicist, I WANT to study physics. I will buy every book out there and pretend im some sort of scientist or something. I will tell people thats what I want to be. I feel 200% positive its what I want. Then......all of a sudden, one day I wont understand why in the world I would ever want to be that, it seems completely alien to me, and just ABSURD. Then all of a sudden, months later maybe I will want it again so im afraid to compeltely get rid of the idea.

I have done this so far with.
-Wanting to be a concert pianist
-A doctor
-Convert to Judaism
-l and ike 15 other things.....

The problem is that when I decide these things, they feel like I really want them 200%. I even called this Rabbi and told him to convert me and all, and he started the process too, I even learned how to read hebrew. But now I feel like Why the hell did I want to do that?, I feel like I dont even remember who I was when I called that Rabbi, or what I was thinking. I have done this with all the above...When I wanted to be a doctor, I even enrolled in a hospital program, when I wanted to be a concert pianist, I applied to some conservatories.

On the conversion to judaism thing...its a serious problem because now these people think I want to convert..because apparently I convinced him 100% when I gave him my speech on why I wanted to be jewish.
Then I changed my mind....but then one day I woke up and wanted to convert again ...and I even wrote this e-mail assuring him how serious I was about it. And now, I dont understand WHY I EVER WROTE IT!.
Im scared of telling him I dont want to convert because what if I change my mind again? When I change its like...these things seem SO important to me..its so bizzare!

Im so ANNOYED!

I mean, when I wanted them , I wanted them......but its not simply a change of mind..its complete disorientation...like "Why did I even do that?"

Or I will buy things, that at the time seem super important,
later I dont understand why in the world I ever bought them.

This will happen with simple decisions too. Also, I change a lot in social behaviour at times. I will be completely outgoing...wheras normally I would be TERRIFIED of being social...but for some reason Im not at some point....and then I realize what I have said and done, I regret it.

HELP does anyone else go through this??????
__________________