Hello & Welcome, James0805!

Please feel free to ignore the following questions, especially if they evoke bad feelings/trigger you.

Have you ever, by yourself or with the assistance of a therapist, thoroughly analyzed that long-ago attempt? What kept you alive then?

Have you been living with this guilt for a long time, or has the guilt only now or recently suddenly intensified or appeared? Is there anything that might have caused the guilt to sharpen at this time?

Situation permitting, I'll try to come up with some "self-forgiveness" links.