Hello, welcome to PC

I feel very guilty about pretty much everything I do or don't do, say or don't say. There's one thing I'm not sorry for, and will never be: my occasional suicide attempts. It's not my fault if life often gets unbearable and if nobody helps me dealing with the overwhelming sorrow I feel.

I think it's the same for you. And if this is not enough for you to forgive yourself, maybe you can try considering that at the time you didn't realize the consequences your death would have for those who care about you. It's not like you completely disregarded them, you weren't aware of them (NOT your fault, depression's fault).

Take care