Hi James,

I'm sorry you're feeling such guilt over this, but I am sure you had your reasons, I'm sure you thought at the time that it was the right thing to do, even if it wasn't. We can only do our best, and I guess you were in such a bad place that you just didn't know how to get out. You didn't succeed with your suicide attempt and you realised what's important to you, I assume, and this is good. You now know that you would never want to let your family go through that.
Sometimes it does take something extreme to shake us up and make us realise what, and who, really matters, and what we're willing to do or not do for the things that are important to us.
You're still here, you're there for your family. You attempted suicide, and I do understand you feel guilt, but you didn't do it again, you didn't do it until you succeeded, that has to count for something. That has to show you that you're so strong to keep going when what you really wanted to do was get out. You stayed. That's what counts.

Guilt is a horrible thing to live with. We ALL do things we're not proud of, we've all hurt people, we've all had selfish moments or moments when we weren't at our best. BUt we're all human. We learn from our mistakes and we grow and get stronger. I think you've done this and you should be proud, not guilty.

It's nice to have you here with us. I hope I've not said anything that might be upsetting (I might have a habit of that so I'm wary) ... I read your first post and you mentioned having low self esteem, I'm suffering with the same thing, I think improving that would help you with ... everything, probably. Well, I know for me it is key. Whatever I'm doing, wherever I am, I don't like myself. That inner voice can be horrible! Maybe if you knew you were ok, that you weren't perfect but you were good enough, maybe you wouldn't still feel so bad about something that happened (or rather didn't happen) in the past. You are not that one action that happened years ago, there's much more to you than just this one incident, don't put so much importance on it (easier said than done I know). What matters, really, is now.

sorry to write so much ...