I was in the same place also.....with a husband & a high school aged daughter & my Mother (my Dad had died of a heart attack 5+years before that). It wasn't just once, it was many times over many years. It's in the past, it was the depression & hopelessness I was feeling at the time & I also realized later on, it was in part the actual marriage was adding to how I was feeling.

I am sure it would have effected all of my family in a horrible way, but caring about that wasn't where I was at the time. I made it through several times that was really a miracle. Now I am so very glad of those miracles as I had no idea how really wonderful my life was going to end up (even with struggles, I am in a very wonderful place). My mother died of cancer & she needed me to protect & care for her, I left my husband & I have a loving relationship with my daughter. The past is behind me & there has been no need to feel guilty. I realized that I went through that for many reasons. It gave me a much deeper understanding by having experienced that so that I have been able to support others who have been in the same place I was. Before that point in my life, mental health issues were a foreign concept. I think that even for my daughter, going through it in her way has helped her support others in her life whose family member didn't have the miracle outcomes as I did. She has been able to share with them & with me. It opened channels that wouldn't have been open otherwise.

It doesn't mean that what I did was right or good, but with time, we have been able to make good come from the experiences I went through with my suicide attempts. One never knows what opportunities to share & really make a difference will come from what you have gone through.....It doesn't make what we did right, but when we can help others, at least we can make something good out of something not good that we did.

Guilt only destroys us & adds to our depression. It is better to acknowledge to our family that we know we could have hurt them, apologize & then let go & put the past behind you & look to your future. Then you can use what you learned from your feelings for the good of helping others who may be struggling with those similar feelings & desires. Helping others with their struggles to get through those very difficult feelings gives a good worthwhile feeling that is positive & distracts from any depression we might feel in the future also.

I hope you will be able to let go of the guilt & use what you went through for a positive future & you will be blessed by having gone through those difficult emotions.

Best wishes for your future