I know I just have to work through these emotions and fears, it's very very hard for me to trust, have faith in others, not so much in a friendship stance, but in a romantic stance, to me that is the scarest level of emotional intamacy I have experinced, T says it is triggering a lot of old feelings for me, and she is very right,

I know I"ve grown a lot, just from being in this relationship, I've learned it's okay to trust and love, to let those walls down and let someone close to you. And hey a man can treat me with love and respect, I'm not dirty, and I"m not incapable of being loved, I have my issues, my baggage, but that doesn't make me unloveable.

I"m growing a bit more secure, I'm learning to counter my fears and insecurties from examples and actions, that speak louder than any harebrain pariona or fear my frightend self creates.

easier said than done sometimes, but hey just got to take it all as it comes, and flow through it...

If things don't work out, it's not the end of the world, I'll be okay, I'll dust myself off, move foreword, and keep on flapping those wings, taking those steps.

I just have to, work through the fear, anxiety, keep moving foreword, take things one small step at a time, I can't spend every moment in worrying anxiety over if this relationship succedes or not, the best I can do for me, and him, is to keep working on me, and what is best for me and my growth.

heh easier said than done somedays, and of course a part of me holds a certain level of reservation in all of this, and will for some time, I just have to break through it one moment at the time

He isnt' perfect, I"m not perfect, but I know he cares very much, and wants to see me grow and succed in life, we aren't in the ideal situation, this distance is very very straining and hard at times, the not knowing, the just having to have faith in the line of communication. phew talk about hard, espically for me!

One foot in front of the other, one wing in front of the other

and...............

take off maybe Is this what flying is like? I think I may be getting closer to flapping those wings.

Just keep swimming, swimming, just keep swimming...

(disclaimer: I will have a minor panic attack after posting this, then be okay, just got to work through it all right? pff never ends does it?)