feel like tearing the wallpaper off the walls. not that i have wallpaper. but sometimes i just feel like running my fingernails down the wall cos i'm in so much agony that i don't know how to let it out. I envy people who can really laugh. i haven't really had a good laugh for soooo long. I envy people who can cry too. I wish there was some way that I could let out what I feel cos keeping it in is agony but i don't know how to let out my feelings. I'm a singer and i always get told that i don't have enough feeling and i try so hard to feel the emotion but I'm so frozen. i feel numb. when I don't feel numb i feel terror, dread, agony or worry. i am a heaps good singer but i can't express emotion so basically I'm not good enough. whenever i have to sing i shake all over and i can hardly hold myself up. i can't breathe and i stand there with no expression. at home i sing beatifully but in front of people i just can't shake this terror. it's awful. i so want to be able to get up and be confident. i started singing ten years ago and I still have major troubles. in my exams i completely lose control and it really affects my performance. it is very disappointing when I have spent months and months practising and i have paid out so much money for lessons. i am disappointed. i want to do lots of cool things but i get so terrified that it messes everything up. i have tried all that positive talking to myself but i just feel like i'm lying to myself. with my mouth i am saying positive things but inside i dont really know. i recently auditioned for the local carols by candlelight and i was shaking so much and i couldn't breathe. i doubt that i will be chosen. when you sing you need to be able to breathe properly but i can't. i completely freak out. what can i do to control this? i'vr tried breathing.