Hi all. The responses are really interesting. I agree that depression evokes waves of ups and downs. I guess it all depends on how quickly one eludes negativity and that depends on the coping. I guess I don't want to believe the depth of insensitivity so rampant today. Since seeing Steele Magnolias, I wanted to incorporate the endearing love and guts of Shirley McClain's character, Weezer . . .to hear someone say that's just Garden as a fact and nothing else, minus the balding dog. But then I would need a few cuss words to go along with that persona. I only have one good cuss word which I save for driving.

It's like this self awareness thing has been happening now for about six months. In some respects I'm just waking up though fully grown physically. With each step I have awareness, questions????, down time, memories and back on the path again. Just two nights ago I had a recollection of events I'd tucked away, that painfully flood back so much that I wrote them down. Once written I noted that the 8 events occured between the ages of 13 and 24 all dealing with trust. I know what I learned but what was I SUPPOSED to take away from it all (ha). As stated in this thread, I'm coping in the best way I can, until I know better.