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Sometimes you just want to hide away and forget you even are. Today feels like one of those days. Silence fills the air around me and for some reason Fear fills very close, almost as if some part of me is missing----fading within her. The drops of rain on the window are like the tears falling within. But you have to be strong. There is an overwhelming sadness gripping my heart and somehow it feels I know this feeling yet I don’t.
I feel this feeling of aloneness engulfing me, and a feeling of not wanting to be seen. The fog outside or maybe it is just the gray filling the sky feels like my heart. Like I am walking through a place over shadowed and it feels eerie. A place I’ve been before yet I cannot find myself. Fear screams out here as if it is pulling at me yet I am unsure where I am. But I know it is a place I don’t want to be yet some place I cannot escape.
A silence surrounds me blocking our any sense of what is taking place around me. It seems it is getting harder to see as the gray begins to fill my senses and it sees my vision cannot focus around me. This place becomes a place I once was. The emptiness feels void of thoughts except I don’t want to be here. Sometimes a scent lingers around me, one I do not like, one that almost reaches out and snatches away the very air I am trying to breath, but one that makes me want to stop breathing at least right now.
A drop of rain slides down the windowpane as I feel a tear roll down my face and I reach up to wipe it away before there is even a trace it has escaped eyes that are burning now with a feeling of being full yet somehow they are being wiped away before they even have a chance to fall. Maybe the one that escaped fell to let me know I am still here. Silence, what is it saying for within it feels it is screaming yet echoing back empty against what is taking place within the heart that lays shattered everywhere. The breeze blowing through the open window is not as cold as the breeze blowing through my mind as once again I feel lost somewhere within and no one knows where.
It is almost safest that way for it feels there are no words that could justify what is being felt. Not one. The raindrops fall down the windowpane just as a tear falls silent somewhere within but no body knows. Maybe no one hast to. Now I know what it is and it is bringing to the break. I am feeling once again that place of no love, no acceptance, where I was an object, their object to be used for them. No we don’t like the rain falling for it is too close to that place in our heart that we could not be.
dps
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