Hi there. I am a married 20-something woman. I am moving house in a few weeks and my family are coming up to gauteng for a couple of days to help me move (mum, day and younger sister). I have to add that I have moved house twice before in the past 3 years and so i know what is involved. Anyway, growing up, i always felt somewhat incapable in the eyes of my mum, i was shy, scatterbrained and did nothing but study... So my mum used to say things like " I dont know how you will manage on your own" and similar things. Socially, she would whisper in my ear to prompt me to speak/greet relatives - which was pretty demeaning as it implies that i was some kind of socially stunted person. I grew out of this quite well. But she continues with such promptings. Things like " Do you clean your oven" and " How can you speak to your mother in law like that" , " I hope you will be cleaning the new house before you move in" and " You must label the boxes you pack so you know which room they must go into" - i mean hello - that is SO obvious!!! I felt so stupid and incompetent - and when i tried to explain to her that i would appreciate if she had some faith in my ability to manage things - she accuses me of being angry and shouting at her. I wasnt, but in her head, any disagreement with her is " anger, irritation and annoyance" on my part. So effectively, and this is a recurring thing, she is telling me that i have no space to tell her if she has hurt or offended me. I am very frustrated as i know that what she has taken from the conversation is this " My daughter is impossible to speak to, i did not intend to hurt her, she gets upset about everything, i am not going to speak to her because she will shout at me" Now - do i apologize for this? Wouldnt i be reinforcing the rescuer role i have so often played (she was and still is abused by my alcoholic father) I got a bit irritated with her when she told me some really obvious things and i told her to stop stressing because i have it under control. Must I apologize for my irritation??? Its amazing how your parents can make you feel like useless and nothing