It's not rambling, you're sorting through options and sometimes it's hard to do that in one's own head. I don't have any friends left due to mental illness, bar one who lives a long way away so I have a lot of alone head-time (bad idea). So I see two psychologists and I put things like this by them and it really helps - it helps to have someone give a **** about me for a start, let along floating ideas.

I think it's frightening but exciting to explore what one will do next. I went through the course listings of several Universities and tried out in my head how the courses match my values, stenghths, weaknesses, what the future will hold for the field, how it would fit into my psychiatric recovery and I guess my AA recovery too (I am 11 years sober).

One thing that really helped me was that I use the ACT and Mindfullness psychological model, with both psychologists and one thing you do as part of that is establish you Core Values and then Valued Actions that arise from those. This helped me to light on a course that matched me and where I am now in my life. One thing I have to watch though, is that as my consciosness has been raised by doing this course, my interface with all the sustainability, conservations and environmental issues that are covered in EVERY SINLGE NEWS BROADCAST - tv, tadio, press, Internet has become more intense. Hey I'm an intense person and I do CARE. lol. But I have to consciously detatch when stuff like the Gulf of Mexico oil spill come on, or Australia's recent Chinese tanker smashing into the Barrier Reef. I get so involved so quickly and it's bad for me.

I'm rambling but I'm glad to post on the study issue and things are still very difficult in terms of getting the basic level of support to continue with the course. There's no accountability and the University staff just refer me to each other in an unending cycle. I've left yet another Voicemail message for the Disability Liaison guy but I don't think he can help me. I'm seeing my psychologist tomorrow so I'll raise it with her AGAIN. I have to get to the point of surrendering to the fact that I may NOT be able to mobilise the lecturer whose help I need and have to drop out of the course to get any peace within myself. Big problem though, not only would that shatter me, but I have committed to a Government debt of $3000AUD to do the course (just for this year and it's part time) and there is a point at which you have to bail from the course at a certain time, or you will incur that debt. Yuk.