thanks lynn. I think the biggest problem is the fact that the 3 y/o is 55 pounds and difficult to restrain when throwing a tantrum. he will run from me and then once Icatch him kick hit spit etc. he doesnt do this to his dad-just to me. And everyone else that cares for him. It hurts my feelings the most because I love him so much but he doesnt like that I discipline him all the time (time outs which involve holding him in my lap because he wont stay put) He has been through foster homes and been bounced around before he came to live with us though so he has a reason for the meltdowns. His mother had him taken by cps in the middle of the night when she got busted by a swat team. that was when he was 1 1/2. we have had him since october and he only thinks of me as mommy. we tried therapy with him but he is too scared we are leaving him to play (its play therapy). I just dont know what to do. He wont even let me straighten my hair (which is one feel good thing I can do for myself) because his "mom" used to do that before she left him for the night. I mean he never mentions her AT ALL. but we know his issues come from her. I know all 3 y/o throw tantrums (i have an 11 y/o) but these are extreme and multiple times a day. Anything I do has to be done his way or its a tanrtum. Now I feel bad for ranting about my 3 y/o. Its really not his fault but I just need help on how to deal with it. I am so getting the calender and stickers and dollar tree toys as soon as I have the money for it. The 11 y/o I think we have under control after him being grounded most of this semester. He has begun even telling the truth when he knows we wont like it. And the baby.. well the house is kid proof already but if theres anything that he shouldnt have he will find it. Thanks again for replying. I thought I was the only exasperated mother out there!