(((((((((((((( Googley ))))))))))))))) Thank you so much for saying this. I will be OK - I always am. Lost - sure. But I won't call him again - it is ok... just life. I can not expect him to be anything more for me. He already gabe me all he has. I get to see him tommorow anyway. Not sure what I will say or whatever. I hate that I did self-harm today and that broke my word to him - something I had never broken. But I had lost everything else up until now anyway. So might as well have that gone too.

Sorry if that makes no sense. But I called him the way he said to... but there was no one there .... as I always knew would happen because that is life... and if I say anything about it in session, I know he will say some excuse ... well it will be truth as he doesn't lie to me that I know about.

I just need to put some things in place inside I suppose. He can't do it for me. And he can not be there for me either. But I get it... it is a job and he can prioritize. And someone like me who has seen him for so many hours must not be a priority anyway. That is fair.

But thank you again for your post. THAT does help me because I know you mean it when you say you care. I am not paying you to care. :-) So thank you.