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May 20, 2010, 06:09 PM
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Member Since: May 2010
Location: Southeastern, U.S.
Posts: 236
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my T thinks I have DID 
 I like my T very much & I think he's a good T, but...but...
First, he is aware I do not think I have DID... or, at the very least, I'm vehemently resisting the "diagnosis." I'm looking for bunches of people, or two or three, to maybe share what they know or have experienced.
I don't deny I have an issue with dissociation to a degree. I do withdraw inside myself - most especially during times of stress. But I do not sever all ties with my self or my physical self or my surroundings. I am always aware.
At this point in my life, I do not deny having a few "identities," which my T knows about. One often comes out in therapy when I'm having trouble talking. But I see them as communication outlets. To my knowledge, they have not been around my entire life.
An issue I have regarding a DID diagnosis is loss of time. When an identity emerges, I withdraw; or I withdraw and an identity emerges, I'm always in the background. I always know what is going on. I do not "lose time."
I have a fairly decent memory. I definitely remember my childhood, teen years, etc. There may be a time period here or there where I can't quite put my finger on specific memories and tie them to that period. However, I'm not suggesting I can't recall any memories from a certain period. I think my memory is as intact as most.
I have a long history of depression and self-injury. Even so, I was fairly successful with my life, despite lots of bad times, until I hit a roadblock a couple years ago and I fell apart. I can't understand why I can't just pull it together.
Has anyone else been diagnosed with DID without having lapses in time? Is it enough to just be in the background when an alternate identity emerges?
I'm afraid of getting lost inside this diagnosis! I'm afraid of spending time trying to understand, cope, manage DID if I don't have it. I'm afraid of conjuring up some false "traumatic" memories to explain having DID.
 Life is difficult enough without adding something so big to the mix.
Any insights would be most appreciated! If this question has come up before, please feel free to steer me to a thread or blog or site.
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