it is very common for people who have been assaulted at a very young age to feel the way you do. to have very similar thoughts even (all though i understand and fully believe each person and situation is unique). my suggestion is now that you have been so brave to share your deep and closely carried fears you share them with a trained therapist you feel comfortable with. if you seek the help and our willing to put forth the work (facing the fears and emotions) then you can very possibly find understanding, insight, and the peace that all survivors of assault deserve.