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Elysium · 08:34 PM

Beyond_Blue....

First off....take a deep breath.

I guess I'd like to ask if your T is trained in Trauma and Dissociative Disorders? Does he have experience working with people who have had a DD? What type of diagnostic testing, if any, has he done with you? There are some special "Interviews" that a T, who is trained to do them, can do to help rule in or out a diagnosis. There are also some written tests that can be done to help make a diagnosis.

Has he shared with you why he believes you have DID? Have you asked him...or are you too scared to do that. (It's okay if you are...it's a scary thing)

I was diagnosed just over a year ago with DID. I had known that I lived with long term major depression, and I was diagnosed with complex PTSD in 2005...but what I experienced over this last year has been mind boggling.

I have done a lot of research on Trauma and Dissociative Disorders. I'm not a T, but I have experience in the Mental Health arena. It sounds like you have done some reading about DID and have possibly seen the diagnostic criteria for the diagnosis. This criteria, from what I have learned, is mainly more of a guideline. Dissociative Disorders affect everyone differently. All of us with DID may share common characteristics, but ultimately everyone's experience is their own.

For me....I never realized, until last year, how much I don't remember from my childhood. I have a couple blocks of time, mostly years, that the only reason I know things happened are because I have pictures of them. But there are other things...even traumatic things that I can, or parts of me can, remember quite vividly. Amnesia is different for everyone. I also live with micro-amnesias which is when you have difficulty remembering conversations that recently took place, or you have difficulty remembering what you did the day before or during the previous week. Again...this affects everyone to different extremes. But time loss does not HAVE to be any certain amount of time necessarily. It really depends on how all of your signs and symptoms present.

To answer another question of yours....YES, it is enough to be just in the background of things. This is often referred to as Co-consciousness which is when one part will be perceiving/experiencing something and it will soak through to some deeper levels and other parts can be aware of what is going on. Take my work for instance...two of my adult parts are the only ones allowed to work, but last week we had a patient pass away. The adult parts dealt with it, but the death soaked through to some younger parts who were triggered by the emotional aspect of the situation. Thankfully, I have learned skills over the last year that have allowed me to be able to "check in" with my young parts and get them to safe places inside.

I can understand your fear of "getting lost" in this diagnosis. It's a scary thing, and a scary realization to come to grips with. The truth is though, that once you are diagnosed, as long as you are diagnosed appropriately, it is actually the first step towards being found.

Also...it really is JUST a label. You state that life is difficult without adding something so big to the mix. If this is DID, it isn't something new. The idea is new...the acknowledgment and validation are new....but if this is DID, then it's been there for a long time. So nothing's really changed or been added...it's just been identified as what it is.

Regardless what diagnosis or label you give it...whether you call it PTSD, depression, DDNOS, or DID...it doesn't change the fact that you are experiencing these different life perceptions. Whatever you call it, it is what it is and a name isn't going to change it. You could call it pepperoni pizza and you'd still be the same person having the same experiences.

I hope you know that I am here for you...regardless of what label is attached to you. DID can be a horrifying diagnosis to come to terms with. NO ONE really wants it. It's an amazing thing that our minds can do to keep us alive...but no one really wants to need their mind to be able to break apart in such a way.

Speak openly with your T. Let him know how you feel about it. And allow yourself to ask questions. You don't have to accept anything until you're ready...and there's nothing wrong with requesting a second opinion from someone skilled at assessing and evaluating for Dissociative Disorders.

Keep asking ?s here too. There are a lot of supportive folks here who can talk about how DID affects them. And feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.

Take care, and hope to see you around the forums.