Just deleted a whole post. I'll just let you know that I care, but have no idea how to help you because I'm in your same situation as far as hopelessness and "idk wtf to do" is concerned.

I would print out your first post and hand it as it is to your pdoc though. Maybe he can come up with something that doesn't involve putting you in a psych ward (btw, avoid that for as long as you can).

Take care.