I feel kind of crummy. I shouldn't have used that word in the title of my other thread, telling the world about my issues. This whole addiction/needy stuff is so depressing, and I feel like I'm "bad" for wanting some kind of fantasy world from therapy. Maybe "sick" is a better word. All kinds of thoughts and feelings are coming up for me, and we didn't even do EMDR last week. I know the feelings belong in my session, not here, but I can't stop. I don't mean I'm a bad person, but I'm bad for looking her up online, and bad for wanting to use therapy to make me feel alive. Bad and wanting/needing to be punished. I don't know exacty what it is, but I want to scream or something. I know this makes no sense, and by Tuesday the feelings may be gone. Or else they will be worse. I'm thinking of my fantasy about running around Ts office, destroying things, so she has to stop me and then she hugs me. I haven't thought about that for a long time. I've got to go cook now--back to reality and distraction for a while.